The Good and Bad Haircut, No Difference

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August 18th, 2010
So, this morning I screwed around too long. The dog got me up early and wanted out and threw the whole schedule off. Put the coffee a little late, therefore delayed the workout…..

I’m definitely a creature of habit. I had planned on going down to the Chevy dealer today and talking about a recall on the Vette. Nothing exciting, a 20 minute job. But, you know how these poop heads are they won’t make it easy on ya. You gotta drop the car off and leave it all day for the 20 minute job.

So, anyway, I decided to sand the cabinets instead, then Barbi came in and said “It’s already 85 degrees. Gonna be a hot one.” Scrub the cabinets idea.

So I decide I needed a haircut. I pulled out the clippers, cleaned out the sink, etc. Barbi says “No, you need to go get a haircut.”

So after lunch, I head out. I go to the usual place cause it’s close. I like another place better but it’s a drive and the guy that does my hair is semi retired meaning he closes whenever he decides, so ya never know if he’ll be there or not.

Anyway, I get up to the door and there’s a sign “Be back at 1:30.” It’s already one. So instead, there’s a place close to where I was (right across the street in a strip mall) and I head over there. This strip mall is situated in such a way that you almost have to drive around the block to get in from where I was. It’s a timing thing and my timing was off so I was kinda stuck in traffic and finally did drive around the block to get there. Now, I’m wishing I had just trimmed it up myself or gone down to Chuck’s (the semi retired guy) hoping he would be there.

So, I finally get in the parking lot and there’s no place to park. It’s one way and I’m not about to go back out on the street just to drive back around the block. I pull over the best I can and start backing up, making people pass me. I finally get parked and walk over to the barber shop. I walk in.

Something looks wrong, but a heat wave hit me upon opening the door and I couldn’t figure out why the hell it was so hot. When you walk in from outside, it’s supposed to hit you with cool.

A voice asked if she could help me. I look up and realize what’s different. The barber shop was now gone. The barber chairs were still there but the racks by the chairs got beauty products instead of car magazines. I say “Oh, I was gonna get a haircut.” She, a 70 year old Hispanic gal says “Come on in, we do both men and women.” I think WTF, let’s get this done.

She motions me in the chair and wraps the usual apron/ cape around me and walks off. I’m looking at this place. Someone had wall papered the cabinets and it was a real shitty job. The whole place looked like a dump and I kinda felt like I was in Tijuana or Juarez or maybe a third world country.

Then this little cute dog comes out of nowhere and jumps up on me wanting attention. I start petting him/her and think, why is it so freakin’ hot in here. Then I look up and see the lady over at the fuse panel turning one of those timers like in a tanning booth. I feel a blast of air come out of the vent above me.

So I tell this lady I’m just looking for an inch off the top and a nice taper on the sides and back. The dog goes and lays down in the corner, the lady starts on my hair and the world is good.

The air starts getting a tiny bit cooler. She is taking her time and doing a pretty good job. But, she’s very slow. What should have taken maybe 15 minutes has now run into a good half hour and I’m still hot and now I’m falling asleep.

Just when I’m thinking to myself that she may be finished, she grabs a hand full of clear goop and starts massaging it into my hair. It felt very good. Then she wipes her hands and I think she’s gonna grab the comb, but oh heck no. She goes back to the massage and boy did it feel good. Kinda reminded me of the barbers in Japan. She does a good massage. Gets the scalp, gets around the ears real good, then the neck, then the shoulders. I was stating to get worried when she finally stopped.

I’m thinking ok, let’s get the hell outa here. But oh hell nooooo, she pulls out this big flash light lookin thing and turns it on. It was an infra red massaging vibrating dildo. She pops this baby on the back of my neck. OK it felt good. I’m really getting worried now. I’m praying someone else will walk into the shop. I’ve been in there close to an hour by now.

All along, I’m making small talk, Boy, that sure is relaxing, I wish I didn’t have to go back to work and anything else that popped in my head. Plus it’s still hotter that hell in the place. I think the timer went off.

She finally finishes up and unsnaps the cape around my neck. Thank god, I can get out. Nope, now she’s gotta put shave cream around my neck and get those little hairs that was under the cape.

I was really starting to tense up again and was afraid she would start massaging again. She trimmed up the eyebrows. Finally she combs my hair again, pulls off the cape, holds up a mirror behind my head so I can see in the mirror and says “What ju thin.”

Fantastic, how much do I owe you, I gotta get back to work. She shyly says “$10” in that tone like ya know, that’s not too much is it? Jesus, that’s not bad. I gave her $12 being the generous sole I am. Hey that’s 20%! Don’t judge.

I was just glad to get outa there. As I walked out, the cool 95 degree air from outside hit me like a cool breeze. I almost ran to the car and headed home. Holy smokes, what an experience.

I got home and Barbi just gushes on how that’s probably one of the best haircuts I’ve had and how good it looks. I went up and washed the goop out and shampoo’d. Not bad, I guess. Barbi still thinks it looks good. So I started thinking, maybe I’ll go back there next time. The price was right.